Monk Meditations at the wilderness Book
Monk Meditations at the Wilderness Book
The Meeting with Christ
1- Christ is calling me
2- The Spark of Faith
3- Exiting in search of Jesus
4- Obstacles on the Road: Sins- Peoples’ noise
5- The Meeting
Life…Life……How magnificent is life!
It is God’s Pulse in the universe
It is the richness of the heart, brightness of the face, and the joy of existence.
How grateful feeling and gratitude we owe ……to Your Life!
Your pouring of your amazing capabilities.
Let us shout: How magnificent are you life!
How sacred is your rhythm tunes in the universe!
With the tender buds in the spring time….
And with the living swimming creatures in the water spring
With the budding seeds, growing with life from the black dirt.
With the green lively fields,
The colorful butterflies sucking the beautiful flower nectars,
I do not own but shout: Life…..Life…..How magnificent is Life!
I sat by myself searching for life’s cabinets within myself.
I want it to explode….and travel through me with extreme energy.
I placed myself in life’s laboratory for the gentiles’ account.
And all my experiences with life is owned by everyone.
The calling of hope inflames me ….The human’s life is eternal immortal
I place myself in the hands of my creator …so He may take away all of life’s’ obstacles.
And after I exhale life’s true breeze…and test the return of the spirit,
I do not own but to shout: Life….Life
How magnificent is Life!
Oh Father….Aren’t You the source of life?
Oh Jesus the Son….didn’t You say, I am the life?
Oh Holy Spirit…Aren’t You the life giving spirit?
I shall not place myself except under Your influence,
Oh Living Trinity
Withdrawing from the world’s other influences…..the deadly killer.
In the quietness and peacefulness with You, God.
The pulse of life returns to me,
And I do not own but shout: Life…..
Life ….How magnificent is life!
# You, God, did not create death…death is strange from your creation.
The devil’s envy introduced it to us. And we struggle with it.
We feel the eternal immortality shouting within our depth.
For You have placed eternity within our hearts.
We look eagerly to You our Lord: Jesus Christ
You have overturned dearth,
Enlightened Life and immortality with the preaching of Your living gospel.
We call You, Our Lord….Believing in your heavenly voice.
Revive us Lord….Revive us according to Your word.
Will You support me!
# Your exploding love, my God. Which is bleeding from Your stabbed heart,
Going through the human heart. Knocking on each door calling:
Oh Heart, will you support me, to grand you happiness.
I carry to you all the joy, pleasure, and eternal happiness.
# My poor soul, My Jesus has heard Your voice:
“Behold, I stand at the door and knock, come to me and I shall comfort you”.
His feelings have rotted from the length of internal isolation.
I must rise and open to the promising One? Promised me with life, truth, and eternity.
# My heart’s locks have rusted, and the doors have worn out, as if paralyzed from movement.
The stink of my sins have filled my nose and chest, bad stench.
Why am I still hesitant! Arise my soul and open your heart’s gates. Arise and He will save you from your defilement and your deep darkness.
Christ’s Love turns my darkness to bright light; It is the light, the purity, the comfort, arise and open.
I called Christ and He answered. My heart opened to him.
I inhaled breeze, as that of the spring’s sprouting flowers.
The heavenly love have found place in my heart, and it brightened it. Christ returned to His home. My heart, Oh God, it is your seat until the eternal life.
Thank You My God
# My Heart, My Heart, throbbing, beating, with pure rhythm.
My Lord, what is all of this? What is all of this Christ?
What is all this beauty surrounding me?!
What is all the attention You included me in?!
What is all this love that You loved me with?!
I am immersed with the depth of Your grace?
I do not own but to shout with grace, thanks, and praise.
With every breath, I praise you.
My God, My Love, I thank You.
Thank You my God.
My heart’s beloved, My God, I praise You.
# My Heart, My Heart, throbbing, beating, with pure rhythm.
Every atom in the universe, My God, pronounces the beauty, the attention, and the love.
Your compassionate hands created all this for us, the gentiles.
And when I meditate Your salvation and Your amazing ransom, Your indescribable spiritual gifts, which You have personalized it to us, I am taken with puzzlement and amazement, and do not own anything but to say:
Thank You God.
My heart’s beloved, My God I praise You.
My God….All this universe is beautiful and amazing.
It is good, and very good…for Your pure hands created everything.
It is extremely complete and pure…without any sin or evil.
The earth and everything in it, the heaven with all its glory.
My heart calls you beating; it is good and very good.
The sun, the moon, and the stars send its rays to my feelings. It is good, very good.
Spring, Summer, Autumn, and Winter,
The heat, the cold, the air, the winds, and storms,
The clouds, the fog, the rain,
The lightning and the thunders,
All this makes me utter:
My God, this universe is wonderful and very wonderful.
Also, myself which Your hands created….
My body, my spirit, and my soul.
Look at it and bless Your work, it is good, and very good.
Your hands did not create corruption, and no sin could come out of It.
Therefore, look at me the way You see Your entire creation.
After You have completed everything on the sixth day…and saw it good and very good.
I do not see corruption in the universe; I do not see sin in the universe.
But, purity, and purity permeate everything,
For You have created everything with Your pure, holy hands.
The Stages of my Life
You know my Christ that You are my life.
Why are You Concealing from me?
Why are You concealing behind fences of light?
And the pure doors, the Luminas and bright?
Don’t You know that You are my Life…My nourishment!
My fulfillment, my development, and my growth.
# When I was a child I use to run,
Among the growing fields with enjoyment and joy, as if
The all the flowers are smiling at me and its heart beats joyfully for my smile!
But, I was not smiling but kneeling to You, my Christ.
Above the earth’s vegetation.
You are all my joy, all my happiness.
You are life’s comfort.
You are my gardens joy,
You are my youth’s freshness, and my heaven’s aroma.
You are the sunrise’s brightness.
You are the amazement of sunset, the noon’s warmth
Why have You forbidden me from Your everlasting brightness?
And left me painfully wonder?!
# When I became a teen, I went out to the fields, as if it held me with all compassion.
There, I saw plenty of good, and of blessings?
I knelt among and called you in the midst of it, and You used to come and chat with me.
You befriended me amongst the fields….You are the beauty of the fields.
And at the water wells, You fulfilled the thirst of my heart to You.
And under the tree shades, There, I gave You my love.
With the pond’s frogs…my heart sank in Your purity,
And likewise in the evening. …
I praise You using my hearts strings, without being calm or silence.
Where have all of these meditations gone!
When You use to brighten my day with Your bright face!
Now You have taken this brightness away from me.
You have left me in my wondering pain!
# During my youth, You were the brightness of my life.
You have turned me into a closed garden, which no one walks through but You.
You have given me a sweet aroma, which no one enjoys but You.
You have filled me with fruits, and spiritual yields, which only delight Your heart alone.
You were concerned that the wild swine may step on me with its feet, or I would be swallowed up by the vicious wild animals.
Therefore, You surrounded me from every direction and location.
My sweet aroma spreads in the air, and my best fruits did not ripe, except when You walk in the midst of my garden, my beloved Jesus!
People have not seen from me anything but my deadly thorns.
And now, why have you left Your Garden, my Christ! And hid behind the clouds Your brightness! And left me suffer derivation?!
My Christ, have You not heard my supplication!
Come to me…com to me my dearly beloved.
Return to Your garden, for you are its fertilization and irrigation.
Will you let you garden shrivel and diminish?
The sun shall burn it, until the deadly yellow approaches it!
Return to my heart…..ahhh….return to my heart…..return…..return quick.
Wouldn’t You remember my garden was before you dwelt in it?
It was the marsh of desolation and lonely wilderness; it was a shelter for every foot step.
Do You remember the pollution of my black dark thoughts….ignorance, slag and envy?
Do You remember my heart’s emotions? Which was meant and filled with hatred, and low desires!
Do You remember my body’s desires? This was similar to despised animal!
Will You accept for me to return to my darkness? And enter again into my old life?
Have You despised me? Have You hated me?
But, that is impossible! You do not despise, and You do not hate!
You love and sacrifice Yourself!
Why does it seem as if You do not hear my calling?
And no one seems to answer me except my echo?
And you are surrounded with your bright light which never fades, and left me suffer in my disbelieve!
# Walking on the beach of the large ocean….
A lot of water…..but, quite waves,
Clarity, peace, and silence fill the place.
Then, my heart beats with Your calling, my God.
And the spark of faith flames.
My God, it is the problem of my life; I place it in Your hands.
My God, let me live for You, not for myself and not for You.
# I was not aware of the dialogue of praying!
But, You are the one who poured in my heart the spirit of entreating You.
You have granted me to Ask…..Ask of what You have wished to grant me.
God, I am Yours…and everything within me beats for you.
Oh, My Lord, Who can give me word to express with it Your reply to me.
You are Blessed my Lord, who allowed my soul to be a closed garden.
# Many times I have gone to people, to consult for my life’s problem.
And came back lost in their many diverse thoughts.
My heart was never comforted in any discussion, except with my conversation with You.
I did not benefit from any book, except of Your Holy Bible.
My Lord, My heart is becoming attached to You.
Your love my Lord, kept me strange from human and anthropologist.
# My Lord Jesus, who have called on me from the depth of Your Holy Bible, You have called me in Your name, You are Mine, do not be afraid for I am with you.
Do you hear my soft, shaky voice, when I call you from the midst of the world’s noisy desires?
I am Yours, my Lord. Take to the iris fields.
The purity fields, there, I shall praise with you.
I am for my beloved and my beloved is for me, the shepherd among the iris.
# How great are You! You are the large ocean!
You have filled my heart with amazing spiritual feelings.
Love, Joy, Purity and glorification,
You are not the ocean’s water, but rather You are eternity itself.
And there I walk on Your beach, listening to your dwelling chanting within me.
My God, I am Yours….I am Yours….I am Yours.
I AM A BEAT FROM GOD’S HEART IN THE UNIVERS
# To stay in my thirst is better than being fatigue looking for a mirage.
My Lord, I am whom You have created, and made spacious gap, thirst, and huge emptiness within me.
I am life…arrayed with my coffin and my casket.
I am truth…I have been driven in the routes of falsehood.
I am love…Suffering of the bloody thorns of cruelty and denial.
I am gentle compassion…but my surrounding is not, but cold and stiff.
#Deep sadness is sunken within my being, and cast a shadow on me all my life.
Mysterious ghosts flowing within my inner darkness, and there is not light, not spirit hovering over the waters’ surface.
My pains are squeezed as tears; everything within me is ruin…ruin….ruin
# Am I not a beat in Your heart beats in the universe, oh Lord?
Am I not Your idea, Your design, and work in this spacious universe?
Do not I own? You wanted to achieve this and it was achieved!
Did You not create me from my nihilistic darkness to Your amazing universe?
# White Ike dove, won’t you sing beautiful songs?
Fly within my branches, for I will die underneath it.
And carry my sorrow to every by passer, lest he be glad with the bangs of pain.
Pain and suffering has embodied my weak being.
Lord, Lest my death kill my pain and sorrow from this world.
And I shall bury it with me, my suffering is enough, wipe it out whenever You make me vanish from existence
# My God…truth was lost in the reef routs.
My heart was torn and it slept sleazy between sunrise and sunset, North and South.
I am a fetus that lost my voice crying….and slept chocking by death and never saw the light of life.
I am a flower that withered on the day it blossomed.
Your compassion my Lord…am I be able to bear all my problems!!!
CHRIST THE LIFE
# Whether I live or die, that is nothing.
But what a waste, if I do not know;
what is the purpose of my life, and for what reason I die?
# My heart…My heart…what is the value of its gentleness if it is not for loving You my Lord?
Ah…What a loss of the days that passes without meditating in loving You, and Love You Christ!
My heart beats is cheap, meaningless if its echo does not reflect in heaven calling night and day…Christ…Christ…Christ
My Christ, You are life that is sufficient.
# And my death….what a loss if I do not gain it in eternity.
I wish I would die as a martyr in love my Lord.
If I do not arise of my death to see Your face, then, let me enter into vanishing eternity from now….for who do I have in heaven besides You, and with You, on earth I want nothing.
If I arise from my grave to see anyone but You, I will faint in my spirit, and will go into eternal comma.
# Any life outside of Your love is unbearable love.
And death for Your sake is all life.
I wish I could die with my heart beating with Your name. And my blood flows with Your light…and my lips singing; Holy, Holy, Holy, You are my Christ and God.
# I spent my days here in the world, isolated in a corner.
My spirit is wounded with God’s Love, and everyday my bones are absorbed and saturate of that love.
My heart and my mind soak in the nectar of Your love and absorb.
I, no longer, have life but Christ, and death is gain.
IN YOUR SPEARED SIDE
From Your holy side O Christ….That which was cruelly speared.
From the speared side blood and water poured out….
I place the depth of my heart at this deeply betrayed spear.
It broke springs of You holy love to us….
From which we become holy and from which we fulfill our thirst…
My heart absorbs of that spring but it is never satisfied..
I take sips of the holy blood and from holy water…attract spirit and life for my soul..
Oh holy spear, and holy compassionate wounded chest…
It has sprung from you material life and love material…
I am overwhelmed by the holy water from Your holy side…so I would wash up from my sins and become a new person after my old being parishes from me.
I partake communion from that blood…and Your Spirit becomes within me
Oh God….Why is sin fighting me still?
And why am I being chased by many sins?
Do not I live with Your holy spirit within me?
Does not Your blood sanctify me when I partake it?
Why do sins tire me soul…and my sinful desires bitter my life?
Teach me this Lord….and treat the weakness of my soul.
Oh Lord…the level of faith has fallen….and the work of Your Grace has fallen with it.
To You I have called with the centurion….help my weak faith.
In Your speared side my Lord….my heart finds its strength
In Your speared side my Lord…I find the comforting feelings.
In Your speared side my Lord…my soul finds its life.
Christ, You who were stabbed with the spear….stab my heart with Your love.
Rest my soul in the wounds of your savior.
HELP MY WEAK FAITH
God…You created us for you…but our sins kept us away from You!
Therefore, how easy it is for the polluted, sinful minds to deny Your existence.
Sins pressure it, and it is tormented with the loud voice of conscious.
It tries to escape from feeling of sin.
But these poor brains find nothing but denying Your existence regardless of its deep hearts; feelings.
I too, O Lord, a sinful human.
And sin had traveled within me to the maximum limits.
And the flame of conscious inflamed me.
Therefore, my faith is shaken with Your existence. Regardless of the light of faith surrounded within my heart.
I desire to ease myself from my own sins, and I wish I do not ease it.
I add more sins to my sins.
Sin encloses my senses within me.
Material and physical both shall parish…
Therefore, my soul shall be disturbed, for its hope shall parish.
And You God shall exist forever, without diminishing or changing.
The wrong senses cannot sense you, for it is material...
As for You, You are not material.
The ammunition of faith lives in my heart…in the holiest spot there.
I see You love, strength, devoting, merciful, and compassionate,
declaring in your joyful bible.
And I see Your abilities and wisdom filling the entire universe.
Would my mental impurity dare to deny the truth in the Bible? And the wonders of the universe and the feelings of the heart!
All speaks of your presence even hatred of inequity.
A voice ringing in my being:
“Because you believed of God, It has been counted to you righteousness”
THE SPARK OF FAITH
# Oh Faith….
You are the first heart beats the pulse of the universe.
That turned the ruins to life and from darkness to light, and from emptiness to fullness.
Oh blessed spark when flashing in the heart.
Allowing Life in the entity ….ending the dreary ghosts of death.
You are not the imagination of the deprived…but you are the senses of the overwhelming force dominant on the universe.
Your works are not fixed laws….but all of it are amazing miracles.
How could a virgin conceive without a human traverse?
And how could a Nazareth carpenter, crucified and buried, be worshiped in the entire universe?
And how could vulnerable group of disciples…seduce the entire inhabited?
* Grand me my lord to believe of hope, even if reality differ from hope!
Letting my understanding, while handcuffed with materials, be in that image...
You shall change it, my Lord, to a thought in heaven.
And my corrupt, inferior heart…I believe You shall convert into a throne for You.
I shout to You Lord with the centurion: “I believe Christ my God, help my weak believe”
LET ME WITH MY HOPE
# Let me enjoy with my beloved brightness, and His wonderful glory …
In the flashing seconds, which my soul is released towards Him….
For soon shall insist the material things, and the body of dust shall weigh me down.
It is the moments I am able to capture from eternity.
I rejoice and be comforted…I cry and sigh…
I calm myself and hope...
I rejoice and be comforted, with the eternal deposit paid which is unspoken of.
I cry and sigh longing for the eternal life, in pain of the material weight.
Then I calm down: hope, hope and patience
# Oh Lord…All my faith and trust, and my hope and love in you…
You are able to preserve my talent to that day.
# Lord….the factors of corruptions surrounds me from every direction.
And the danger of falling is there at all times ….and if it is aroused who could control it?
Lord the least sin seeps into my heart…..
Deprive me from You...
And it is capable of leading me into the diminishing dark Hades.
Lord... You are aware of all my human weakness…therefore I weep, and sigh in Your sight.
# And You Oh Christ…You are a passionate God, sensitive, and extremely compassionate
Your love to us is infinite love…and how great You are in your passion and compassion.
Christ…You own my heart, and therefore keep away all its factors of weakness.
Christ, You hold us in Your right hand, so no wolf would kidnap us from Your hand.
Christ, You below in our faces and the fire of the eternal spirit come upon us.
Christ, You are the Love, the truth, and life.
Christ, You are for us to eternity.
THE TIME SHALL COME
# The time shall come my beloved,
Yes, that beautiful time shall come.
That which my spirit shall launch without obstacle towards You
Oh glorious heavenly bridegroom.
Going upward in the atmosphere, from height to height.
But, I am not convinced of any height, except when my soul enters in Your divine cloud.
And stick to You forever, without separation.
# The time shall come my beloved, yes, it will come
That beautiful time, which my being shall be set free from its dark miserable prison
Pulling out of its field all Spines, thorns, and tares and it shall be fertile
And I shall be associated to you, with the holy bond of love
Yes, it shall bond with You without separation
# The time shall come my beloved,
Yes, that beautiful time shall come
Which I shall saturate of from Your graceful water,
I am very thirst for You.
Oh…How I was deceived with the world’s bitter water!
It had filled my chest with salt, and my guts with pain!
One drop of Your living water…saturate me,
And fresh feeling go through my dead life, and I shall stick with living fountain...
And I shall be a blessed fountain myself.
THEY LEFT YOU, AND I LEFT YOU ALONE TOO
Why do You walk alone Christ, the treasure of the entire human race?!
No one has followed You, and no one has invited you in his house.
On the Jordan mountain, and the terrifying valleys, You walked alone!
Oh creator of the entire universe, tired with me from the thorns of the road, which sin planted…
Each went to his own, and they left You alone, oh Christ.
Each person went to sleep on his warm bed, and You have no place to rest Your head!
At Your birth, You did not have a place, not even in a motel!
You have filled the congregation with bread and fish…and they had left over.
And afterwards, each went to his home, and You went to the mountain alone!
In Your passion eve, all the disciples left You alone, and could not stay with You only an hour!
Rather, You went through the extortion alone, and drank from the cup of passion alone.
I, now, see You Christ, passing by the drought alone...
The person that kept away from You while You were in the flash,
How much more he is keeping away now? To the point he does not see You in the flash!
I too my Lord, Human, like other humans,
I get excited for the fallacy, the fallacy of the short misleading life.
From food which fills the stomach, lust of meat and blood, or fame and maximizing the living.
The fox’s cunning has found place in my heart,
And the pride of the birds, found nests there as well,
But You, oh Christ my Lord, have no place in my heart to rest Your head!!
Your head is busy with my love and completing my salvation,
My heart is busy with non sense and the untruths?!
Behold my heart suffer, suffer with its many sins, and it chokes its eternity by itself.
And You still walk alone, lonely in the desolate mountains, and terrifying rivers.
And with cruelty, my heart was shut in Your face,
Truly, I shut on my heart for its eternal suffering!
My Lord, return and destroy the copper chains and iron barricades, and brake into my heart.
Hold a whip and get the thieves out of Your fathers alter,
And my heart shall become Your fixed throne, oh God, forever and ever.
At Calvary and under the holy cross,
I knelt at the feet of my crucified savior,
And my streams of tears exploded
Oh, God, Have you tolerated all of this in my place!
And what have I offered You, after You have taken darkness from my life!
Oh Christ, still live empty of all virtues, in drought of the water of love.
My cruel being is attracted quickly to the whispering evils.
Responding slowly to the chants of treating salvation…
When I do anything little of goodness of which is my duty,
My factors of self pride, the wonder and pride, take me,
And I am aware that any goodness within me is from Your strength.
In spite of this, I become cruel in my thoughts, I, the dust, with stinking sins!
I quickly forget the work of Your grace...
And become proud of myself,
and how bitter in pride my Lord, It is Hades itself
In justice You let me test my true strength,
And fall quickly...
And acknowledge that my good deeds were not done to glorify Your holy name.
Rather for me to be glorified by people, as the Scribes and Pharisees used to do, and deserved scourge.
I fill the world with noise for issues I imagine my success in.
Oh Christ, I place my face, in your presence, in dust...
And with the tax collector, I approach broken hearted, bowing my head, without works.
I am full of shames, oh crucified….
Help me, have mercy on me, for I am a sinner.
MY MASTER, I FOLLOW YOU
With the great lust of love, towards You my pure Christ…
I run after you panting to follow You.
I follow You, while You are in the bosom of Your Father.
And my heart chants while looking towards Your manger,
where You were born, You, the humble and lowly in heart.
I follow You, growing in the victory of Galilee,
You are the never changing, ever.
I follow You in the streets of Jordan, in Your footsteps, preaching the captured with freedom, and to free those which Satan took control over.
I follow You with sigh, bitter weeps, and with body which sorrow lead to Calvary.
To where You were crucified form my sins,
Dear God, the one full of compassion.
My lusts are bad, my sins are many, and the impurity of my heart is what crucified You.
I follow You in Your amazing resurrection,
Meditating Your grace, glory, and strength.
I follow You while, You are ascending to heaven, to the better glory.
Returning to the unapproachable light
I am neither of the twelve disciples, nor of the seventy apostles.
I am not of Your contemporaries, Jesus, the incarnated one.
Neither am I a Jordanian, that holy valley
This was honored with Your footsteps.
But, I know You, You the dominant God on the entire universe.
You are the creator, who is, was, and the coming one.
I know You, but I sense You, rather I see You
I have seen You, and will see You, my Master, forever.
SEEKING GOD’S FACE
# Since I realized life, and I seek You, my God.
My little heart was beating in the sight of the overwhelming nature.
Nature, in its life and death proclaim Your beauty, and the fullness of Your eternal life.
With the sunrise and sunset, with the kind buds,
With the purity of the sky, and the singing of the birds, and the blooming flowers,
A desire manifested itself in the depth of me, the desire to seek Your everlasting eternal holy life.
# I entered Your house to learn wisdom.
And to feel my spirit Your spirit.
I wished to disappear from the world to meet with You in my depth, oh You, hidden treasure.
I sat at the corner of my cell tiring You with me.
My eyes are tired of waiting Your salvation, asking when do You comfort me?
My spirit longs to be free, wants to reach the source of love.
I pretended to be quiet and silent, and all my being in a continuous movement seeking You God.
# I put in my heart to be a prisoner….
To allow me to see Your everlasting beauty
My Lord, how great it is to live in Your house…
I have taken from my weakness ways to make Your heart compassionate on me.
I reviewed all my sins in Your sight, so You would double Your grace for me.
Lord You are the one saying:” Seek My Face”.
Your face, Oh Lord, I seek…Is not that request of us!
Have compassions on my feeble means,
And shine in front of me with Your bright face.
# In my loneliness, You kept me company, and in my fast,
You have given me living water.
And when I get attacked by the wolfs of the wilderness to rip through my depth,
And the powers of evil review before me the skulls of the victims.
I used to escape to You God in faithful worship.
Even if perished in seeking Your face, I will continue seeking Your face.
Good enough for me that I lived for You,
I will not give up.
# Oh Lord, You watch my feelings,
You know eager and painful
I have been purified of my sins with seeing you.
I have tasted Your pure new life, so do not keep Your face away from me.
MY METHODS OF MEETING WITH GOD
# My heart always calls for you my Lord, when would I be able to see you?
I am longing for You…and all my happiness is delayed until I see You.
Christ….Christ….Christ…I wonder where are You?
My soul melted, longing for You, and I lost my voice while calling for You.
I seek Your face; therefore I search all prospects in the vast deserts.
I give heed to my spiritual source in the monastery,
and in the site of Your holy altar, and in my cell.
Lest I see Your eliminating shadow.
# I go out seeking You with all my being to meet You.
For Your sight is a filling happiness….and Your right is blessing forever.
I overcome my desires to judge others.
My God, my thoughts all lead to death, carelessness, and destruction….
I look towards You imploring….My God show reveal yourself in my life.
Have mercy on me, before I destroy myself ….
# How can the limited find The Unlimited? And what would be my method?
I lost all the ways leading to You my Lord,
And I carry weakness, and delay within me.
My sins are increasing…and it blocks Your bright face from me, so how can I meet You?
And all of my methods are considered nothing.
# I will make from my longing to you, internal light to lead me to You.
I shall take from my sins and my misery energy to lead me to You Oh most Complete and Holy One.
And that is what shall make Your hear more compassionate towards me.
And every torture shall turn into joy as long as it will lead me to You.
# My Lord, I shall not be occupied with anything but You.
I will jump following Your footsteps in pant…..
I call, Oh Christ My Savior…
I do not despair even if I fell sick….dying in Your valleys.
You are the one saying “you seek Me and find Me, if you seek Me with all your heart”
With everything within me I sought You….My Lord, do not forsake me.
AWAY FROM THE NOISE OF THE WORLD
Let me look up to You Christ…My beloved God.
For Your life on earth, if the true life,
I was in isolation, away from the noise of the world,
That world is the bodily lusts, and the lust of the eyes, and the maximizing of life….
Why do people interrupt my solidarity and isolation with You, Christ?
What would people benefit from me? And I know my weaknesses very well!
Yes, what will they benefit from an empty contaminated, filthy pot.
The best benefit is for me to pray on my behalf and theirs, My Christ….
You alone is capable of all of our salvation….
# The thoughts are disturbed here and there, and the soul cries of the loss.
The mind uses imaginary philosophies for excuses…
And my heart enters towards darkness….
The lusts seep to my being to own my body members.
This is how I will be my God…while I face towards the world?!
What is it with me and this loss…?
My Lord…let me renew myself all over in solidarity with You.
In stillness, far, far from the noise of the world.
# Your Children, Oh God, must differ from the children of the world...
If the children of the world like to engage and occupy themselves for the sake of the lusts of the body, eyes, and maximizing of life.
The result is for them to be away from You.
For their joy if in You alone, Our Lord and Pure father….
The soul is unable to taste the heavenly comforts, unless if it shakes off all the earthly lusts away from it.
Therefore, my soul, leave your poor rotten lusts to inhale the smell of the divine pure life.
My soul, do not be like the people of this world,
For your share is not like theirs,
and your path is not like their path,
and your purpose is not like their purpose…
* How were You in Your silence and solidarity Christ, my soul’s beloved?
I was alone in my thoughts, and in my heart’s emotions..,,,
In the middle of the crowd and with your disciples in the Jordan’s’ desert….
Everything within You was focused towards heaven.
And after a stressful and tiring path, and until the sixth hour, You did not care for food,
For Your soul was filled with the salvation of a tortured soul (John 4).
Likewise, my soul, follow your savior.
And do not have any other goal except pleasing The Father.
For you must be for what is your fathers’.
# You, my soul, are strange in these homes, you are an ambassador of the heavenly home here on earth…and the time shall come when you will leave this earth, and return to the heavenly home.
What if you are guilty in your life, in front of the Mighty King?
And you’re joining the enemies of this strange home!
Get out from their midst, and isolate yourself my soul,
For your only mission is to live for your heavenly home in the land of alienation,
You glorify The Father here on earth, if you life the heavenly life…
WHEN THE HEART STOPS
# When the entire world becomes silent,
And the noise within me stops.
I hear soft voices coming from nowhere!
My entire being turns to listening ears.
In these moments, I cannot be sure of my being,
But, I am certain only of the existence of The Creator.
Material things change to exiting shadows,
And eternity becomes physical truth.
#When all the world images fade away,
And vanish completely from my mind,
Strange images rise within me; I see it with my hearts’ eyes.
Unlimited images without colors….
Rather, it is material, but it is of a different class.
Exceedingly beautiful… it is beauty itself,
The absolute beauty….
It is images for the fertilization of the spirit and its life.
# When every material thought fades from me,
And I stop the standard sensory measures, one thought flows in the soul.
Everything within me overcomes me, pleasure and ease,
I was surprised to its simplicity, but it solves all the human obstacles.
All humanly confusion will be no more, for it melts in His site.
For He is the absolute truth, and heavenly wisdom,
That flows in the quiet souls.
#When the heart stops from the world’s feelings.
The heavy material feelings shall diminish,
The heart shall beat with the ultimate emission,
Unexpressed emission, it is the emission of the eternal spirit.
The Spirit will be released in amazing, great atmosphere,
as if it is coming out of dark prison.
And will live in the spaciousness of the starting, as if it is in God’s Paradise.
# And who will fade the images of the entire universe!
And delete it completely from my imagination?
Who will take away every material thought from me?
And stops from me the sensory measures?
Who will make my heart stop for the world feelings, and take away the density of material things?
Is not You my God! My Creator, and who enlightened for me the path of knowing You!
Rise, Oh God the Lord, and sanctify my heart,
And sin will run away from my being, and trespasses will disappear from me.
Rise with your brightness and vanish the evil darkness.
My soul will live in Your Beauty forever,
In Your Glory, wealth, and Your un-diminishing splendor.
IN THE CHAMBER OF MY ROOM
# After a tour in the world routs, I felt afterwards as if was chocking
Many changes took place within me;
# I had eyes which I saw with it nothing but purity…
And here I am, I do not see anything but evils and the light drowned and was extinguished…..
# I had a mind clearer than pure crystal, does not reflect but heavens lights,
And there it became dark, dusty, and deposits of darkness spread over it.
# My heart was beating with luminous liquid light,
Now it beats darkness, and black ghosts.
# Every cell in my body was clear as the sun’s purity,
Now lusts have spread through it and ruined it peace, and I became worried and stressed.
# The Spirit was as if it was walking in Eden’s paradise in joy and happiness,
It turned into a gloomy spirit suffering of depression, stress, and choking.
# I entered into the chamber of my room, and all my blood was screaming towards heaven.
My life now, oh Christ, is not life, for death is far better.
Human have killed every method of returning back to my first purity.
Sermons and books became to me as useless gossip.
The spiritual guidance became noise, blinding my vision more and more,
Coming to the liturgies adds to my sins and distance away from you.
Will you stand up one more time, My Christ!
When You hear another Bartimaeus, calling: “Have mercy on me:
# Heavenly fire started going through all my members, and caused shivering and shakiness.
# My eyes opened…Christ’s face fills the entire universe.
The universe gained its purity, in my site, again.
# My mind, all the black deposits were burned from it and it gained its purity and clarity.
# I saw the luminous liquid bright light in my heart and all the darkness have fled away from it, and the bright beats started to all my being.
# The heavenly fire ate all my bodily lusts.
And it gained its peace and it surrounded with the aroma of the incense.
# The spirit was freed, and returned to its energy and sensitivity.
It flew starring its eyes towards heavens.
And above all, I felt the pure, loyal, deep love towards everything on earth and heaven.
I was certain that I returned united with my God,
And the annoying separation period was over.
IN THE DEPTH OF GOD’S HEART
# God, Close on me in the depth of Your Heart,
I will not accept to be outside, and will not be convinced to circle around Your Center.
Dip me in Your depth, O You the true light, The Love, The Life.
Let me absorb You in all my being.
Oh, I wish I could perish in You.
# Is it You who knocks on the door of my heart? Or is it I?!
Is it possible for the heart of a creature to carry her Creator?
Your Heart, My Creator, is what surrounds me.
If You are, My Lord, is love, how will Your love beating heart be like?
Open for me the door to Your Heart, and let me come in there.
For what do I want? Who do I wait for? And who is my desire, but You!
# I kneel with humbleness in Your presence in the universe.
What could have happened to me, My Lord!!
I am unable to express!!!
For within Your Heart My Lord, I see the universe very beautiful,
I see my service, my monastic life, and my priesthood, and they have melted within me with Your living glory.
My service became from Your holy artery in the universe,
My monastic life, is from Your bright heart beats,
And my priesthood, some of Your holy emotions towards human.
You are, my God, is everything in everything.
# I went out seeking You, and spent my years seeking You.
And now, I knew, it was You, who went out searching for me,
I was nothing but lost, I ran from You when You came closer to me,
Unit I knelt under Your feet tired, panting,
And sickened from my ignorance,
And, I felt Your hand watering me with the nectar of life, so I would be refreshed.
And I have tasted heaven, its glory, and eternity,
And my tired head on Your knees.
It is not enough for me that You carry me on Your shoulders, I the lost!
Neither if you hold me close with all Your compassion to your speared chest.
No, No, all of this in not enough for me.
Keep me inside You, my God. Accept me in Your heart.
And close on me there in, Your heart’s depth.
Lest I forget all that is in the universe, there.
FOR ME CHRIST IS LIFE
Because You love purity, oh Christ,
Therefore, I search for it.
And because you honor celibacy,
Therefore, my heart loves it.
Therefore, I desire to humble myself in Your sight,
And under all Your creation.
# Every word you Speak with, My Christ,
I desire to be in life.
And every sign from Your hand becomes constitution for me.
And wherever You go, I shall follow, in Your footsteps.
If You isolate Yourself in the wilderness,
I will take You for my example and follow You, Christ.
And If You gather with Your disciples,
I will join that company.
And when the people crowded around You, I am there with You.
# If You drink the cup of pain, I will drink my cup to the end.
And if You went up the mountain of transfiguration,
there You will take me in the glory with You.
And if you carry the cross of salvation,
My soul desires the confession and to be martyr.
# The glory of Your love became my Joy, Christ.
You are the complete life, the complete strength of my life.
You are the savior, redeemer, and intercessor,
You are everything to me, and forever.
# How can I hate sinners, and You love them?
And how can I allow self-righteousness in my heart, and you were not pleased with hypocrisy and pride, My Lord!
Let my life be like Yours, but let it be hidden in You.
WITH HOW MUCH SILVER DID I SELL YOU MY GOD?
With thirty pieces of silver, Judas Sold You….
Oh Christ, it is the price of the most contemptible slaves.
Be astonished, oh heaven for this….and be horribly afraid oh earth.
For the sons of men are negotiating the Great Creator, with thirty pieces of silver!!!
My Lord, I am amazed of Your great humility.
Your humility, Oh my Lord, nothing supersedes it except Your Humility!
My Lord, Your were not satisfied to incarnate to become like human!
But even more than this, You have accepted to become despised and rejected among men
Your price, in the sight of men, was not more than thirty pieces of silver…
The price of the most contemptible slaves.
You, who has the richness of eternal treasures,
Oh, Judas the betrayal, why did you grief the heart of Your master?
What corruption did you find in Him that led you to give Him up on the cross?
Why did you cause Your Master to be disturbed in the spirit, when He sensed your betrayal?
Why did you prefer thirty pieces of silver, rather than living with Your master?
# But, wait my soul….why do you despise Judas?
It would have been better for you to despise yourself rather!
Did not you prefer things that are much less than thirty pieces of silver better than living with Christ!
Did you not cause Your Master to suffer and be disturbed in the spirit much!
I feel your betrayal.
Many times you have returned back with your heart to the world, my soul.
Also, you have initiated the negotiation on how to get Christ out of your life!
What corruption have you found in Him?
You may possibly have agreed on less than the thirty pieces of silver!
Be astonished, oh heaven for this….and be horribly afraid oh earth.
WHAT CURROPTION HAVE YOU FOUND IN HIM!
Why do you betray the Lord, my soul?
After He bonded with you in love…you, the most despised among the creatures?!
After He called you to Him from the darkness and filthiness of the world!
After He redeemed you from the horrifying pit of Hades!
After He granted you the great honors of kings…and became the highest of the world!
# Why did you give in to the lusts of the body?! And why did you roll in mud!!
Why did you agree with the lusts of the body and blood!
Why do you befriend death and corruption, and hug the horrifying dragon?
There I am shouting…..stay away my soul…Stay away lest you die.
Enough negotiation with the body, the world, and the devil.
# What corruption have you found in Christ?
Meditate, Oh my soul, in His pale, yellow, luminous face….
Meditate That Face on the cross, suffering of the pains of sins!
\with purple gown stained with blood….and cruel crown of thorn above His head.
Did He not bear all of this pain for you? For your sin.
Why did you stiffen your eyes, why do you harden your heart?
Remember the tears you shed in front of this scene! The scene of Golgotha, the skull.
Why did you lose you sensitive feeling?
Return….Return, my soul, Return you disobedient one!
Return to the Groom of your youth.
Why do you follow in the path of death? Why are dying in the difficult valleys?
Return my soul to Christ….
What corruption did you find in Him, to leave Him to your death?
Oh Christ, I am regretfully coming to You…..weeping in shame in Your sight.
I shall not commit suicide, as Judas did in despair…
For Your mercies is endless.
MY LORD HELP MY WEAKNESS
Oh My Lord, the old human has become new,
with his darkness, cruelty, and lack of seriousness!
Why did my soul go to darkness all over again, after Your joyful glory?
And why did I place my hands in handcuffs?!
# My enemy attacked me when I was not paying attention, while the people were sleeping, and he filled my field with thorns.
The devil defiled my heart with the nasty feelings of the world, and robbed from my soul the hidden treasure.
Oh my Lord, I am slow and lazy, I am the lover of my flesh.
Look at me, for I became ruin.
Pure heart create in me My Lord, and prepare me to Your luminous joy.
Life is greatly bitter without You.
Come Lord, for I have now know my soul’s weakness.
# Lord, all my sighs are in Your sight, and my weakness is not hidden from You.
Who can call himself pure of defile….even if his life on earth was only one day!!
Except for You my Christ, You whose flesh never been to corruption.
#My soul is humiliated from the burden of its sins, and my heart is depressed from the filth which entered it.
I cry out to You, You who lift me up, and give me joy, and cleanse me all over again.
You alone Christ, the wounded for Your love to me.
GREAT IS MY MISERY
How miserable it is, when You are far from me My Lord!
Little worldly love seeped into my heart, and turned to a flooding.
The lusts of the eyes started to shadow me…
And the lusts of the flesh with its heavy, depressing feeling started to work within me….
The maximizing in living, found its way in my calm heart,
I became miserable dwelling,
Insulted in the sight of God and the angels, rather, also despised in my own sight.
I became as if I was bound and thrown in the deepness of darkness,
Everything was troubled, very troubled, and I could not find rest.
My heart moans from its many troubles…
And my mind lost its power of thinking….
Oh, I am greatly miserable, when You are far from me, My Lord!
# Will I be like a confused rat, the trap was shut on?
Will I continue struggling in my darkness?
Will the sky of my heart be filled with darkness without clearing up?
Will my teeth break while gnashing of anger?
Oh Lord, it is a very difficult period.
When will this end! And when would my soul leave its horrors?
# My Lord, I do not have the strength to bear all of these sufferings! And You are leaving me alone!
Whenever I try to get out of this sludge, I find myself sinking even more.
I implore You my Lord, say Your eternal word of my soul now…..
Say it My Lord, for my soul is ruin, empty and dark.
Say it shall be light, and it will be eternal light my soul would go into.
That I may separate from darkness forever.
MY LORD, FREE MY SOUL
My soul is moaning bitter moan….for things have badly narrowed on it.
The sensual feelings and the painful lusts of the body do not stop nor slow…..
You have deceived me, my body, and have rolled me in mud.
You, my body, have thrown me to the lowest in the bottom, from this my soul is moaning bitter moan.
# Oh, I am very uncomfortable.
My Lord, free my soul, free it from the cell of the physical senses.
My soul has become as a wild horse and as a buffalo when it became loose.
I have known now, the cry of Your Saint Paul, when he moans saying:
And I live, I the miserable person, and shall save me from the death of this body?
I cry out with him, there is no savior but You, oh Christ.
# My soul moans bitter moaning, very uncomfortable from the bound of this body.
The spiritual essence, the gentle, the Luminas, which I feel glowing within me, it may soon fade as the body rises seeking its desires.
Also, filling my thoughts with darkness, and embittering my quite life.
My body hurts when I stay up, and if I slept, it hurts me in my sleep!
My soul is longing to be free in the world of spirits, but the body blocks it, burdening it with its filthy nature, to its lusts.
# Oh Lord, do Not You hear the cry of the spirit, the moaning of the soul?!
The soul is calling You, “My Lord, Isn’t the breath of my life from You?”
There is no comfort for me except with you,
therefore free me from the bounds of the body and its slavery.
That I may be with You, my Lord, without obstacle.
DO NOT LET ME DOWN AGAIN
In anxious and longing, I was seeking You Lord, to receive my live.
With imploring and tears, I was longing for you, Oh Christ.
To shine within me.
In hunger and in thirst, I was longing for You, The Holy Spirit of God,
to dwell in my heart.
And when you humbled Yourself ,Oh God, to my lowliness, and a soft light started within my life, I cried of happiness, and my entire being rejoiced.
# But, great is my foolishness!!!
I have desired the pods of sin….and I made my life bitter.
I desired sin, and it bound me in handcuffs.
And I returned with my heart to the filthiness of the world…..
The poisonous snakes tired me,
The spirit stalled within me, and the light faded from my heart.
How greatly cruel are you sin! You have turned my joy into depression!!
How fade looking you have turned my fresh purity!
You made me cry on the eve of my celebration when you separated me from the groom of my soul?
You imprisoned me from the city of light into the outer darkness.
Oh you who are very cruel, I hate you.
# My Lord, in embarrassed face, in begging and tears, in longing and desire, in hunger and thirst, I long to You, and knock on Your door. Do not let me down once again because of my sin.
For my heart is Your throne My God, so make it steady forever and ever.
My heart is thirsty for You, Oh Pure Christ.
When will You rise in my life with Your never fading light?
My eyes became tired, and my soul moans, longing for You?
I sit on the ground lonely, and in a corner away from the world.
Oh Lord, until when will I be deprived of Your joyful luminous light?
I left my head, fixing my eyes up, and then I sigh with strength…
I put my head down all over, watching the sky of my depressed, dark heart…..when will the morning rays appear?
My Lord, even for just one time, let the rise of the early morning light the ruin of the darkness of my life.
My Lord, let be just for one time that, a bright day appears in darkness,
The sun rises and sets, and the time of harvest is counted for me, and I stink in my sins.
I live in fear and panic, for eternal death awaits me.
I resembled cattle without understanding, in heavy darkness of the brain.
Nothing comforts me in the midst of all of this darkness except my thirsty heart to Christ.
Many times I have tried to fulfill my thirst, when the world offered me its salty water.
Everyone who drinks from it shall thirst again, the dryness and movement increased, and You are the Holy saying:
“If someone thirsts, let him come to Me and drink”
Let me come to You, Christ, for You are He who turns my life into paradise.
THESE ARE MY SINS
If I cried my entire life regretting my sins and iniquities,
All of this would not be enough, not enough….
If I joined Jeremiah in weeping, and my eyes have become fountain of water,
Crying day and night, seeking help from heaven above,
All of this would not be enough, not enough.
# My sins exceeded all the limits,
One sin alone would have been sufficient for me to earn the eternal sin penalty.
I do not cry for forgiveness of my sins,
The tears of my life is not enough to forgive the least of my sins,
Rather, I cry for I let Christ suffer.
Brothers, Christ has suffered in my behalf…
And my crying and weeping should be doubled
His Heart beats with my love, and I suffer of my trespasses.
My sins became the spear going through the side of my Lord.
My sins are thorns inserted and bleeding in the forehead of my Lord.
I would not dare to call You my beloved, oh Christ!
My face is beaten with shame in Your sight, therefore I shall cry for the rest of my life.
Morn oh my entire soul, for the alter of your heard became desecrate.
And the sacrifices had stopped from it; I became stranger for my soul.
Be astonished heaven for that, the purity of my heart became contaminated,
And God’s images has faded away within me,
I became worried and helpless with my sins.
Weep my soul for God’s separation from you,
Weep my soul and seek the Lord’s mercy,
Weep my soul and long for the meeting with the Lord.
WHY DO I WONDER IN THE VALLEY OF DEATH?
# Oh, You who are my life, do not forsake me in this desolate wilderness.
I do not know the path, and the way is horrifying.
I left the world, and my parents have forsaken me.
I left with confusion on my face, “Not seeking except He whom I truly love”.
I seek Christ who enchanted my heart.
# Why do I drift here and there!
I race in the valleys with a longing eye desiring to see her beloved.
My enemies have found me in the way, and they have humiliated my soul….
They have made my life in the wilderness in prison every day.
They have filled my ears with mocking and my imaginations with defiled images.
So they may take away the images of the beloved, and His pure sweet voice.
My Lord I seek You, Look at the humiliation of my soul,
Reveal Yourself to me, and let me my soul be united with Your soul,
For my heart is wounded with Your love.
# My Lord, my soul is humiliated on earth,
My enemies have made my life very bitter,
Therefore, I call up to You with a loud longing desire.
The wilderness is scary, and its path is horrifying, I have no comfort….but You, Christ.
All my flesh and bones call on Your name.
Oh lover of my soul….draw near to my heart.
Come and reside on Your throne ….for Your mercy is from generation to generation.
And Your throne, oh God, is forever and ever….
THE INFLUENCE WITH GOD ALONE
I wish not to fall under the influence of human hands to form me…
But, let Your hands, God, form me…
They are the ones creating and forming me...
I wish I would escape the effects of the media and propaganda,
And the methods of education and escape far…..far away….
From the factionalism and the schools of thoughts
So I would not get amazed of human regardless of their greatness….
So I may meditate in Your greatness alone, my God.
The human philosophy does not attract me regardless of its greatness…
Instead let me live in the modesty of faith, and in the ignorance of the cross.
# Invite me under Your influence, You alone, my God…
I wish all the human noise within me be silent.
And my pure soul become a machine does not accept anything but Your voice and Image.
And my entire being shakes to the influence of Your eternal, everlasting word,
which renews my creation all over.
The human voices tie me to the earth….
And does not prepare me except to death.
But Your voice, My God, ties me to heaven,
And prepares me to the everlasting life.
Therefore let Your Godly voice be louder than the human voices.
Oh My Lord, I do not want anyone to interpret for my Your word and explain it to me…
Oh God, how badly human interpreted the purity of Your word, while trying to explain it.
Who knows you intensions but You? And who enlightens the understanding but You?
Did not these interpretations divide Your church to sects and doctrines!
And branched out hundreds of heresies, when people placed Your word under their level of human understanding?
# In the sight of Your heavenly divine voice, My God,
Let the smell of the malicious demons diminish.
How greatly disturbed we were of their obsessions, My Lord!
And filled us with tribulations and worries,
And in Your holy divine voice also
All heavenly powers silence.
Why would not the human silence,
whom are from dust, in the sight of Your powerful word?
I want, My Lord, to be with You in direct relationship,
Without any mediation neither from human nor from angels.
You are for me everything, yes, You are everything to me.
HAVE OWNERSHIP OF ME, YOU ALONE
Have ownership of me My God, own me, You alone.
You have the right, all the right, to own me,
My life is Your charities and Your blessings embodied.
My being and existence cannot continue one moment without You.
The air that I inhale, the water I drink,
The crops, grass and plant field, and the fruitful trees, all from Your blessings.
Oh Lord, own me, You alone.
# Lord, in the old times, You were the administrator of the matters of Your people.
You were in their midst, and dwelt among them.
You have divided the sea for them, and gave them in the wilderness their needs.
But, they thought of placing a different king instead of You.
And You, with Your mercies, had given them their advice…
You said to Samuel the profit: “They have not rejected You, but have rejected Me”.
They rejected you, Oh God, You the grantor on them...
They have rejected You as king over them.
But You are the honest just, have not rejected them but were with their kings,
When they cried out to you, what a big difference…
Big difference to be with their kings, and for You to be their king.
# Oh Lord, I implore You…
You own me, and let the human hands stop of influencing me.
Own over me Lord, my soul became tired from the human owning a little bit over me
Everyone admits his weakness in Your sight Lord….
Then why they want to absorb of him?
Would they want me to absorb their weakness?
How many souls have been lost and destroyed, when human hands owned over it.
Therefore, I implore You, My God.
Let the human hands stop its influence on me.
Own my heart, which from within comes out life, and guide its emotions towards You.
Own my mind, and let You be its wisdom, understanding and knowledge.
Own my soul, and let You be its lusts, glory, and pride.
Own my senses, so it would be pure, holy vessels subject to Your will.
Own my body, so it will be a tool of obedience in Your hand.
Own my being, but You own My Lord, the same desire to own me.
Own my life, emotions, efforts, conscious, abilities, and my speech
Own all of my money, strength, and being.
# Grand me to be one of Your sheep, Oh good shepherds
Grand me to be one of Your flock in Your kingdom, Oh God.
Grand me this great honor, the honor of owning me.
# Your beloved Jesus, Your beloved son.
Which You gave for us Oh God; He bought us for you with the Blood on the cross.
He informed us that the kingdom of heaven is within us.
He has not preached within us except of Your kingdom, Oh God
He taught us to pray to You saying: “They Kingdom come…..”
Meaning permit and own over us, and be our only king.
There, I pray to You My God, “They Kingdom Come….”
Own me, My God….Take me to You….regardless of my unworthiness
They kingdom come, My God….They kingdom Come…
WHEN THE NOICE OF PEOPLE GETS LOUDER
The world is full of noise, and its noises get louder.
Every human has an opinion, and thinks within himself that he owned the knowledge era and the ink shall spill over the papers.
And it generates for the people, books, articles, and letters.
And the sounds of the copiers shall get louder,
To record the peoples’ empty words.
# The infant grows, to be toddler, lad, and then youth.
Even after he grows and become man then elder,
He owns nothing but the influence of people’s noise.
Going on in the swirling water, and the water shall push him out.
And dives into the detailed arguments in the views of the people around him.
The world shall not allow a chance,
Inhales in it his pure soul’s breath.
And lives strange from his own, lost in the midst of wrong opinions.
Poor is that person, very poor.
# And You, Oh Christ, oh You within the treasures of wisdom.
We see You Calm and quite.
You do not cry out, and no one hears Your voice in the streets.
Each word You have spoken with Your Holy Mouth, other than the entire world.
And with all of this, often we see You quite, quietly isolated.
You have not held a pen to write articles, or teachings,
In the days of Your holy incarnation on earth.
You rejected to divide the heritage among the two brothers.
You, the divider of all Goods, the grantor of gifts to all human.
And when the noise of the people grew louder around You,
Judging the adulterer woman.
You remained quiet, You the judge of the entire world of justice.
And in Your holy and power silence,
Herod, the one with earthly authority, was disturbed.
# One word of Your words shook millions of hearts.
And one moment of Your silence, shook millions of hearts.
And that is how you taught us that words have very little time.
As for silence is the path of the way.
# Oh You the born of the father before all ages.
You are the pride of God and the draw of His insights
You are God’s wisdom and word, and remain calm and quiet,
And we, the gentiles, are born in sins.
We, the smoke which appears for short periods and then diminishes,
We try to fill the world with noise, and our voices become louder and louder,
Lord, teach us to become like You…
THE PRACTICAL BIBLE
# One day I turned my heart to the world’s philosophy….
Oh Christ, never ending human sayings.
These talks and analyses, and that argue and attack…
That raises his figure, and waives with his fist.
That slams on the podium, which he speaks behind, with all his strength….
Voices, theories, and books.
Noise, students, schools’ noise.
My mind exited from the bottom of it all,
Cleaning itself from the echo of the vain media…
# I found out that the truth must be inspired by God.
And from all religions, my heart was comforted to You, Christ.
Therefore, with all my heart I follow You.
I take from your work and divine thinking a constitution for myself.
I am Your disciple, and I would not enjoy sitting except beneath Your feet.
Oh Lord, have mercy upon me from those who allowed themselves to be guardians of Your principals.
They divided Your church into doctrines, sects, and denominations.
We started turning Your divine right into different directions due to the human interpretations.
And the human do not want to be quiet, but rather they lean to gossiping and noise.
They have turned Your church into a marketplace of human words and thoughts.
The voice of Your greetings, they turned into whistle of headache.
Compassionate of human, for whenever The Son of Man comes,
Lest he finds faith on earth??
# But, how would we learn Your ways, Oh Christ!
Amid all this sea of the teachers of the church??
You, Christ, taught us not by words, but rather by acts.
You did not preach about humility, but washed the feet of the disciples.
You did not write about the mercy work, but You went performing good deeds.
You did not explain the theory of eternity, but You were crucified, died and ascended into heaven.
You did not preach us on purity, but You remained without marriage.
Therefore Lord, we only learn from those whose lives were sermon.
And without noise of words, we inspire Your pure luminous within us.
In the sacraments You handed over to Your church, and in Your Holy Bible.
And in the observance of the end of the lives of the saintly forefathers, and the assimilation of their faith.
WHO WILL DELIVER ME
# To You I come racing, My Lord Christ.
And when I meet You, I place my tired head on Your speared Chest.
In tears and wailing, I cry in loud voice.
Oh Lord, Many issues disturb me...
You are my only peace.
Much darkness horrifies me, and You are the light of my life.
My body is fighting me in severity and strength.
Asking me with the old lusts, and apply many hidden pain wanting to force sin on me.
Oh Lord, have mercy on me from this deadly body.
The vanishing world did not shy of coming to me once again,
After the stinky smell burst,
The lust of the eye, the flesh, and the proud living.
My Lord, have mercy upon me from its pride.
The old serpent, the cunning devil.
The lurking dragon bettering my life with deceptive acts.
My Lord, have mercy on me from its horrors.
Hide me in Your merciful bosom.
In You, the bodily pains vanishes, it is crucified with the desires and lusts.
And the feelings of the world disappear, as the world is crucified for me and I for the world.
In You, the powers of evil flee, for You conquered them on the cross.
You, my Lord, treat all my weaknesses with Your living cross.
I WROTE MY SINS ON A LONG PAPER
Oh, God’s lamb, the humble and quite.
You, the lifter of the worlds’ sins, and my trespasses, if I repented it.
When I sat with Your priest one night, my eyes poured all my bodily
Fluids in tears. And it still squeezes it.
Long paper, I have written my sins on so I may confess it.
I was speaking my confession, and the wilderness around me amazing and quite.
Dim light showed me the face of my teacher.
I starred at it, to find out that the face is not that of my priest, my teacher.
But, it is Your face of Christ!
Accept my sins, oh God’s lamb….Oh eternal priest.
I finished confessing my sins and mentioning my impurities,
As if I place my sins on Your head.
I became amazed, and this beautiful image did not depart me.
And at the end, when the sacrament of repentance was complete with the absolution, You left up Your blessed hand my Christ on my head,
And with authority, You have granted me the absolution of all my sins.
I went to church the following day,
Where the masses’ sacrifice was,
There I saw You, the Lamb of God, slaying on top of the altar for my sins.
Your head was crowned with thorns,
And You are burning as a burning sacrifice.
You have given Yourself as a price for my sins, oh loving God.
There my heart points to You,
calling with feeling of Joy mixed with sadness
Behold the lamb of God, the bearer of the entire world’s sins.
You are the savior; You saved me from the valleys of death,
To Your eternal bright brilliant.
THE FLIGHT OF DETERMINATION
# I remember, I remember, when I was in my youth
Enchanting voice is calling me…
Is it from heaven! Is it from my depth! Is it from the beautiful creatures!
I do not know.
But I am certain that it is my Lord’s voice,
Calling me, that I may follow Him.
He has all my joy, happiness, and eternity.
# My being was getting ready to begin this amazing flight.
It is a journey of the entire determination, journey of the purpose of life.
Which trail should I follow to reach my Lord who is calling me?
Whenever I follow any path, I collide into many intensive dark clouds.
Lord, is there light to show me the ways leading to You from my darkness??
I cannot ignore Your voice, and I do not know how to reply to it, how confusing!!
# My mind wore out saying: why is the confusion.
Didn’t you know your God through me?
Therefore, let me guide you to Him.
And when it held the driving gear,
it drowned me in thoughts, logics, books and words.
And I felt that darkness is becoming increasingly darker.
I felt tired and headache…and after a long distance,
My mind was far ahead.
It, my mind, turned to me while sickening and tired,
and said to me in rebellion and revelation:
“it seems that the voice you heard earlier was imaginary,
It was not a real voice.
It was from your imagination, and you tired me in vain”.
I have learned, My Lord, that the mind has to be silent,
and become at the end of the path to You.
*Then, my heart wore out saying: Isn’t I who guided you to your God.
Aren’t my feelings and emotions what introduced you to Him?
Then, let me lead you to Him.
And my heart took the forefront of the caravan leading towards You, oh God.
Across the barren deserts, and severe heat,
It led me from one mirage to another.
And it jumped with joy when we arrived the oasis of deceive of the drunken breeze, and salty water.
It is not the goal, My Lord, but rather death disguised in the gown of life.
My throat is as if it is burning of the salty water,
And my being is as if getting sedated from continuing the path with you.
Oh my heart, how deceiving you are from everything else.
I have learned, My Lord, not to follow my heart’s desires,
If I want to follow You.
# My Lord, the mind almost destroyed me,
And the heart almost misguided me.
The darkness is getting its narrow scope around me.
I almost despair of reaching You.
The flame of faith in the voice I heard, almost fade.
I sigh and cry I am weaker than to reach You, My Lord.
I cried in my agony, Where are you, My Lord, Oh true life’s treasure?
# I heard the footsteps of light stepping deep down within me.
Behold, Oh God, Your soul is hovering over me.
Behold, Your Godly breath is leaping with joy in my gut.
Oh Sole Truth, my fundamental divine homeland.
You have guided me in ease and please,
in the absence of the entire universe.
Until You welcomed me to Your presence,
And met the eternal meeting.
#I fell upon Your feet worshipping, kissing You of the pure heaven.
Then I fell kissing Your Hands which created me.
And You lifted Your Blessed Hands, My Lord Christ,
Blessing my forehead with the sign of the cross.
And my mind came and worshiped You, and it enlightened.
And my heart came and worshiped and it purified.
Oh, how joyful.
MY MEETING WITH HIM
Christ, that love which imprisoned me.
Imprisoned my heart,
And filled it with light and brightness,
Let me look at Him, let me meditate long in Him,
I look at Him and rest.
When my eyes meet His eyes, Those full of clarity and purity,
Many tears pour down.
Oh, My Lord, have mercy on me from the body of death.
So I may stay, and continue with You forever without obstruction.
Many tears pour down, joyful of the pure finding.
My Lord and God do not deprive me from being satisfied of You.
Finding You is the joy, happiness and eternity.
Behold a head is resting on His Divine Chest.
He started compassionately wiping my tears.
And when I looked at Him, lifting up my eyes towards the light,
I saw His tears falling down on me, and said between His tears;
Oh, My lost son, many thorns have injured you when you walked in the difficult paths,
My son and beloved, My heart is broken for you,
I suffer your pains more than you!
My tears poured down once again,
His tears were mingled with mine,
and I started going in a coma from His amazing love.
WHEN I KNEW HIM
Oh brighter of the heart after the evening of suffering,
Oh joyous in Your appearance, my heart throbs to You,
Your brightness wiped my darkness,
And I was filled with joy, peace, and happiness.
Oh Lord, I met happiness when I met You,
Before I met You, I was in depression,
I may hear terms called happy, peace, and joy,
But I never had any taste of it in my life.
These terms were strange to my dictionary,
I was used to despair, and dark thoughts,
As if I was an owl attached to ruin and darkness.
After I knew You my Lord, and knew You well,
My heart does not beat except with the feeling of joy, happiness, and love.
Oh Lord, I shout out with ecstatic as a drunk:
How happy I am with you!!!
Back then, I used to claim that I knew You,
But I did not really know you till now,
With wondrous, kindly fatherly love, You declared Yourself to me.
Back then, I knew you through other people,
But now, I know You, and You, Yourself, know me according to my weakness,
Now, I cry out and say;
That any lying person, their words of You increased my soul’s depression,
And took me into deep darkness,
rather it kept me farther away from Your luminous sight, Oh Ultra Light.
My brothers, seek Him,
Listen yourselves, taste, and look, God Is Good.
As for me, I am sufficient with one Look from Him to operate His fire of love in my heart until I meet Him in heaven.
When? When my Lord?
• The rock heart began to crack, as it beats my chest panicky.
• Please my God lets me hear your kindness … Listen to me.
• Please my God lets me hear the forgiveness sound … I know that I am not deserved any forgiveness …
The Crucified Face moves towards me, and with His filled tears Eyes, He lifts His Face to the top, and He said by His dried lips ( Oh, Father, forgive him and consider my shedding blood for him).
• All my feelings are for you … O Crucified
• For me, You sacrifice Yourself as an atonement immolation because of my sin.
• I see You now, Jesus, I see you now ... in the Heavens Sky.
• In the empyrean glory ... in the central of the light which Your glory does not reduce at all. ... As You enter the holies themselves by Your blood.
• When You ascend Yourself at the evening time, above the Clavary.
• God was raised on altar of the cross; with a sear severe face ... The Pain squeezed Him.
• His body was smashed by the pains, His head crowned with thorns. His chest was thrust. His poll gashed by the flagella.
• With bored hands and foots, all His bonus have been calculated by the precious aromatic blood. This blood dribbles from all His gashes.
• These gashes views with an intercession eye and with the voice of God that is very tender.
• Hey, Father, don’t die (destroy) anyone who believes in this blood.
• Hey, Father, accept every person who considers me as a pass way to my kingdom, and he/she colours his/her brain and heart with my blood in the two lists and high threshold.
• Don’t die (destroy) them, but pass them to highly Canaan
There are many feelings in my heart, I can’t express this. I can only cry when I am genuflecting, under cross at Calvary.
I am a sinful son (lost sheep)
• You are the aeonian immortal heart My God, Your heart pulses the real love, and it has the ability to include all the world
• O God, You have warmhearted heart that pulse the kindness and affection.
• Dear warmhearted heart that includes the love inside.
• Oh pure heart that pains by my pains, becomes disturbed by my distresses, and suffers to abate my wretchedness when I was absent-minded in the thorns way in the piggery.
• Oh God, You didn’t know the sin, becomes a sin because of me.
• You are JESUS who is praised from all the clan of the earth, and apotheosised from all the heavenly bands.
• You become anathema because of me.
• You endeavour the pains of death instead of me.
• The Father cheered to put you the test of sorrow instead of me...
• You came to my darkness in order to lead me to your light.
• You came to my way in which I go astray in order to back me to your troop.
• You carry me on your shoulder ... I am the lost sheep (The sinful son).
• The sin gashed me and shed my blood... by this way the bloods have been mixed.
• Oh your kind heart, how much your eyes looked at me, and at the same time You squeeze the pain.
• I am drowning in my sins.
• My dear child (becomes far from the coitus of the caltrop.)
• Oh, Your Kind heard that covers and fills my heart with great love
• I wish I open my heart to You; dissolved with love.
HE GAVE ME HIS BLOOD TO LIVE BY
• I am like the satyr that needs the life with You. It is thirsty to the eternal life
• The honey drops are bereaved of my cells.
• The emptiness affects us, and the life begins too back from my limbs.
• Ah, I will die and my body will be devoured by the Cephidae.
• I will fly and fly, and be happy from what continue from my life above the green flowers, maybe I can find the things that canto my being (existence) the revival.
• I have been consumed to just one drop from the nectar of the life.
• Please my GOD doesn’t forget me.
• I out came to collect the nectar of the life from the flowers of the greens.
• It is just one drop is able to reactivate the enlightenment to my eyes ... one drop to refresh (brisk) , live, and restore the pulses of life to my soft trembly heart .
• Ah, what are my bitter days … when I join a tough (unfeeling) heart which is similar to the ice between my ribs.
• I eager for a drop of the life’s nectar to spill inside my heart, so as to make the delightful pulses flow through it, and make the life revivals inside the flapping feelings and depths.
• I passed the floor garden, where the flowers of intoxicating poppy are found. I was impressed by their beauty … I gravitate toward them without supply them with water.
• From the first drop of the flowers’ nourish ... I felt dizzy in my head.
• I almost be lazy, and deluge in a deep drowsiness, forgetting my hunger for life.
• I have seen other butterflies like me... After I drank from the nectar of them, these butterflies mostly sleep soon ... So they fell and go stuck in mud of the Earth.
• They lost their beauty and their gorgeousness... and each an ability to transaction.
• They died in their clay.
• I ran away in flight from the floor garden (The desires of the life) … Avoiding flowers desires.
• I glanced, when I am flying in the air a beautiful, a camomile in the self meadow.
• I said that I will collect my nectars from there … These might make me live and revive.
• This camomile had delightful honey nectar with a colloidal shape.
• I would take from the nectar of the camomile; but I saw other butterflies.
• The imperceptible wings of some of these butterflies had covered by this nectar.
• Some of these butterflies died above the nectar’s camomile.
• Some of these butterflies, their wings of some of them, had dislocated; because of their attempt to escape.
• Some of them were able to escape; but with wilted crumpled wings.
• So, I ran away so far … away from the Self-deceptive.
• I entered to the orchard … I found GOD. He squeezed Himself strongly and deeply.
• He also sweats perspiration and blood, in order to provide and save His life for the dead (who don’t have the eternal life with JESUS) like me.
• He said to me: Come the poor butterfly to absorb (drink) from my life nectar to revive (live) ... you are in the last swelter... tomorrow you meet me on Calvary hill where they stab my side by bayonet ... My heart will drip blood for you ...drink my poor butterfly, be watered and revive (live) ... This is my life which is for you.
• O the confused butterflies … Dear withered souls in the name of the sin … Let’s drink from the open fountain of JESUS … O Earth peoples turn to Him and save yourselves.
• Glory to You my LORD.
• My LORD Glory to You.
• The revolution or redemption to rescue (save) the humanity from a reputation.
• My LORD JESUS, You have an amazing and a wonderful style.
• You choose to sacrifice for the world that has no one can damn it.
• The redemption is very costly and slow action …Through this redemption, You paid Your blood on the cross.
• The rebel might say that we must end the injustice.
• Ah my dear Redeemer, You had endured the injustice of the bad guys.
• “My LORD was oppressed and afflicted, he was led like a lamb to the slaughter, so he did not open his mouth.”
• The rebel might say that we must “remove the poverty”.
• Though my JESUS was rich, yet, for our sake, he became poor, so that, you, through His poverty, might become rich.
• The rebel might say that we must “remove the rebellious” … My LORD (GOD) gave himself up to the severity of the bad guys… You said that “the Son of Man Saying must suffer many things”
• My LORD (JESUS) made His poll to the whips. Your cheeks had sent to the buffets.
• Your Church has followed You, GOD, in the way of costly slow redemption likes the calm quite dawn lights, that extract the morning light from the depths’ darkness.
• Your Church has followed You, GOD, like lambs in the midst of fierce wolves ... Despite of that, You wanted them.
• After the fierce wolves’ teeth stained with the blood of lambs ... You negated these wolves’ ferocity... You turned them to lambs that had the ability to ransom by these rule.
• Your Church – You are in its artery– learned from You, JESUS, the quote is better than the bargain with desires. It learned this by Your soul ... Your body ... Your blood ... and Your light.
• The Church followed the steps of Pope Athanathuies, Pope Botros and Saint Demiana.
• Your Church realized since its infancy that its prosperity not only by redemption ... ... It followed the steps of Apostles, Antebas, Estafanous and Takla.
• Your Church knew that the asceticism is coming through fight the world’s desires … It knew that the death every day is an element for the beauty and purity… It followed the steps of Saint Antonious, priest Yahnas Kama and Saint Elareya.
• The Church won’t exist if its son stops sacrifice and redemption.
• LORD JESYUS ... the sons of your church will still adrift and stray in the mountains, wildland and ground cracks ... They die every day ... They sacrifice their sponsors as satisfied live scarify.
• The sons of your church will still as juntas and they will drag in the way of the pains without satiation ... they seek Your face with all sincerity and honestly ... they bring many things to Your lightness face.
• Other peoples from your church will enjoy the agony and humiliation in their daily suffering with the world’s soul (world’s desires) for You.
• Every one of them races to acquire Your love … to be ransom before the other.
• We all follow You , my Redeemer (JESUS) with all our hearts, we follow the same steps of Your quiet wonderful style, until the dough is leavened.
• And I … I am between Your hands, my LORD, on the altar.
• O Father, at the Zion, where you the bread and wine … you took my immolation and my blood, that had transformed.
• My GOD, You take me in Your hands in each divine mass ... I felt that I am between Your hands.
• O JESUS, my limbs are your limb ... my blood is Your blood my LORD JESUS ... I have traits of You and blind them inside me in my body.
• I think as JESUS thinks ... I will be a part of Your flesh and bone, my LORD.
• What impressed the structure of LORD Glory in the Xmas feast mass ... I will born with You a new birth... the pleasing fill my heart ... the peace fill the brain ... looking for Your Glory between Your angels.
• At circumcision feast mass ... I go up to the Temple of GOD with you, presenting my life for GOD.
• At the Epiphany mass ... O Holy Trinity, I feel as I associate with You.
• At the transfiguration day ... I obtain the earnest Glory that is a ransom of my body.
• At Easter mass ... I escape from the hell’s enslavement ... and I am resurrected.
• I feel that, I bring all my resurrections power from my last grave ... The eternal life flow with reverence in my heart ... I need the time if I spoke about the masses of the year.
• Really my GOD ... blessed is for all peoples who live in Your home. ....They always praise You.
• Blessed is for all peoples who unite with Your altar ... They found all their treasures there ... They adhere their hearts to Your slaughterhouses.
• Your slaughterhouses, my LORD (The GOD of Forces), take, from its above, humans from dust of the Earth ... and we return to You, my LORD, and escalate us to the heavenly Father.
• You are blessed, my LORD, You qualify us to the Great Heavenly Life above Your altar.
• Therefore, the people do their best in their responsibilities & interests.
• I kneel in front of Your Holy Temple by Your fear.
• Then, I was drunk from JESUS’s blood in the trophy.
• I am standing in Your Divine Temple, My LORD, and above Your wonderful Holy Altar with crushing and reverence feelings ... My heart shed tears; because of my plenty sins.
• I admit to You, My LORD, my sin … and don’t deny or hide my sin.
• What has this terrible place ... My heart beats fast ... My chest batters strongly.
• The place has become like the Zion.
• I saw You, JESUS, You are all love, I saw You there.
• You looked to me with strange goddess looks; but I did not have the ability to look at You.
• I heard You, My LORD, saying that this is my body which sacrifices for you.
• I heard You also call me with a sad sound … take and drink.
• This is my blood that sheds for you … and I am crying now …I don’t be able to stop the crying.
• The bread and wine have turned to Your divine body and Aromatic Holy Blood, my LORD.
• I am terrorized by the amazement (surprise)... and You, JESUS, do not stop looking at me.
• I feel the enormity of my sin, and I do not consider myself only a block from the impurity.
• I realize the greatness of love, the glory of Your Holiness ... the holiness Your glory and the glory of your greatness, when I eat the sacrifice of Immanuel (our GOD) ... This is The Truth ... Amen.
• I saw You, JESUS, when You are crucified with Your broken body.
• I opened my mouth, and feel that a spirit was attracted to me … Then I drank from the trophy… the blood of Immanuel (Our GOD).
• This is The Truth ... Amen.
• I saw You, my LORD, with Your bleeding blood from all Your pains ... It looked like dripping in my mouth.
• I lifted my eyes to You, JESUS, then I felt that the life flows in my blood.
• My eyes tears; because of my sin that is removed by Your redemption.
• My eyes tears amazing; because of Your strange (amazing) love, JESUS.
• My eyes tears joy; because it returns to the revival to my life.
• The eternal liturgy
• I am a tourist in the Wasteland ... I lived as a priest.
• Oh my GOD JESUS… I don’t have whether bread or wine to offer up the sacrifice to Your Holy greatness... I am without altar… So, I said that I will lift all myself to Your purity… I said that I Will make an altar from the land … I will speak on this land about Your splendor works, JESUS.
• When You, JESUS, give me this grace, I see that all things have been sanctified.
• I take burning embers to my ember, from my strong love and longing to You, JESUS.
• I crush myself finely incense, as I sprinkle it on those embers.
• Oh GOD, there is satisfaction and gratification smell that upward to Your loftiness.
• Oh my LORD JESUS, This is the smell of the crushed self on the embers of The Divine Love… Ah, ... This is incense of acceptable universe in front of You, JESUS.
• O eating fire, burn the evils that are inside us.
• I am the wheat of GOD … I am spikes that have been maturated by the His hands.
• I should be atomized, floured, and crunched in order to be sufficient to be the satisfied sacrifice.
• My life is the bread that is broken between Your hands, My LORD... You blessed it, and gave it to all over world.
• I am considered a product of the Earth’s products … You, My GOD, protects between Your hands; so as my life become hidden in Your life. It has lifted on Your alter as a sacrifice and gift.
• The wine bottle is my heart that is filled with the vintage of the spirit.
• My heart is a live spring bottle between Your pierced hands, JESUS.
• The whole structure of the universe is Your altar, My LORD, I enjoy in it with You.
• I see You, JESUS, in the rocks of the mountains … the sand desert … and the sea waters.
• I see You, JESUS, daytime and at night, cold and heat; because the heavy of Your spate grace applied inside all the spirits of Your creatures.
• The best thing is that I see You in my depths…as I feel Your kind cuffs on the heart walls.
• Oh my LORD, I have lost my pen …. I can’t express the rapture of spirit… In any part of the global, I stand, as I stand on a holy ground… as I am in Your altar … as I am in the Heaven.
• I lift my hands to pray … I enjoy with Your exist, JESUS… as I feel that I am on the top of the world.
• I see that Your face lightness, JESUS, has illuminated the place.
• All living creatures admit and believe in Your Love … Its creeks vibrate in front of Your beauty and glory, JESUS.
• The whole world is considered Your gift, MY LORD; because Your life applies everywhere.
• Oh Creator, how much You are gripping (wonderful) ... All the love is for You.
• All this huge number from the crashing crowd humans on the Earth has been included between my hands; so as to lift them as a gift to You, You sit on the hemisphere, My LORD.
• This is the real offered gifts; that You accept them, JESUS.
• So, LORD gave me the ability to live in the eternal mass (the real eternal life).
• The Glory is for You, My LORD.
• Ammunition Container
• On the edge between the life and eternity, my friend confines to bed ... He whispers with faded low voice, saying how I miss the unity with JESUS who Turns up all the world and all the life... after a few time, I will lit up to unit with Him forever.
• I take my small silver container to the Divine Liturgy, where I find the apportioned sacrifice of JESUS’s Body and His blood that is shed for the world life.
• I put two jewels from JESUS’s apportioned body in my container.... and carry it between my hands.
• For the first time, I feel that I carry all the treasures of the world between my hands.
• I combined this treasure to my chest.... and I feel that I would like to put it in my heart ... and I enclave my container with a focus halo from the love, kindness and spiritual conscience.
• I come on to my sick friend, and the treasure is between my hands, at that time I remember You JESUS when You moved on Your foot (walkthrough) between people in each city and each village ... in each street and each alley and lane... You made the good, JESUS... You promised the people the Divine happiness and joy ... You cured any disease and weakness that were separated between the people ... now , My LORD, You enter my sick friend home ... You enter with Your light and glory in order to separate the peace, consolidation and the comfort inside his depths.
• My friend requested to manage his bed to make his face towards the East side ... he signed himself with the cross ... his face started to be flamed with the worship light ... he eats the sacrifice and drank the blood ... his face grew bright and peaceful.
• I tried to talk to him after that; but he was busy in a silent Divine conversation.
• I saw the movement of his weak lips and his bright face, and I could realize some words “ Oh … How much I love Him …. Oh My LORD JESUS … I love You.”
• The tabernacle rested that is Your altar.
• The soul overflowed … There were facial features Serenity, love and trust.
• The place is filled with the incense … This is the smell of the love holocaust that rises to You, JESUS, and my friend departed this life.